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This is awesome. We need more satire on these boards. I have a few titles if anyone wants to write the article.

 

"Wrestler pledges to become the first-ever five time NCAA champion."

 

"Twenty-four year old Apple Valley sophomore wins record breaking eighth state title." (in the article you should use the quote "I'm now 80% of the way to my goal of standing on the podium eleven times." )

Edited by BigTimeFan

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"Twenty-four year old Apple Valley sophomore wins record breaking eighth state title." (in the article you should use the quote "I'm now 80% of the way to my goal of standing on the podium eleven times." )

With an appropriate quote such as "I want to wrestle in the Big Ten somewhere in Canada".

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