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Psychiatrist explained my wrestling style (details inside)

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Haven't posted in a while. Taking some time to reflect on the important things since my divorce. Didn't even watch the NCAA finals. Couldn't care less really. Same old matches, same old predictable stalling calls, same old disgruntled fans unhappy about lack of stalling calls, etc. Same thing every year with a different cast of characters. Visited a psychiatrist to help deal with the divorce. Got to talking about wrestling during one of our sessions and I was honestly impressed by how he thoroughly explained how my history influenced everything about my wrestling style. It would take pages to describe it all so here's a brief version of events:

 

Relationship with coaches

 

Rejecting my coaches was a subliminal response of my feelings about my dad rejecting me. Coaches represent a wrestler's authority figure just like how a father is a son's authority figure. By rejecting them and wrestling with two empty chairs in my corner was my way of retaliating against my feelings of being rejected by my dad. When I won state there were no coaches for me to jump in the arms of like almost every champ does after winning state, much like there was no dad to congratulate me when I got home with my medal (another business trip).

 

Relationship with fans

 

The hostile relationship I had with wrestling fans was a consequence of not being able to accept being accepted. I felt my dad had abandoned me (despite the financial wealth provided) and in turn I abandoned my coaches, and then did everything I could to have the fans abandon and hate me too (stalling, tilting instead of pinning, arguing about calls, cupping my hand behind my ear Hulk Hogan style when they started booing, etc).

 

Abbas Jadidi

 

Direct quote from psychiatrist: "When there's an absence of love and happiness, hatred will often take its place. You identified with him because during that one match in 1996 he represented everything you were feeling. Exhausted, wrestling in foreign territory with nothing but booing fans, trying your best to not let hatred and cynicism turn that corner."

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wow, i'll be honest, that is shockingly close to the relationship with my dad. except my dad didn't miss my matches because of travel. he always said, 'travelling is for salesman. i don't peddle wares, i acquire assets.' and when he did sell one of his companies he called it 'retiring a revenue stream'.

 

anyway, he would just have our au pair take me to tournaments and if i asked him to attend or even tried to tell him how i did he would just shoo me out off his office and tell me he was busy, altho i'm 99% sure he was just playing his hand held computerized bridge game.

 

i've long since accepted the fact that my just just wasnt that interested in my athletic career, or in me at all, and i've moved on and focused on the positive things in my life that i can control. still, this was a very cathartic read for me, thank you for posting DF.

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